July 14th (I think), 2009

Someone:

I have for you good news, a self-evaluation to balance it, and demanded changes to make me more healthy.
The news: I got my scores back from AP today and it turns out that I got a 5 of my 3D portfolio. I am beyond thrilled, considering I was biting my lip for months in hopes of a 4. As with my acceptance to Quartz Mountain, however, I felt an immediate instinct to curb an inflated ego with some rational thought. For one thing, once I heard, I returned to the idea of myself as an imposter(sp?). I am not living FOR art, I do not even create every day. How am I defined by the word "artist" if I am not defined by the word "art"? It is a huge part of my life, but I have reached and passed the point where it should BE my life.
It concerns me to realize, as I have this summer, that I have some major self-control issues. The summer has gone swooping by in a stream of miraculous colors and possibilities. It is almost as though I am sitting here, dormant in front of a screen, watching it go by, just watching with a dull laziness, never bothering to make it reality.
My parents are having hardwood floors installed in the back rooms of their house, so I spent the day going through all of my JUNK. Watching the Himalaya-sized heaps of all my worthless crap pile up, it is bitterly humorous to think that I consider myself an aspiring minimalist. I had forgotten WHY. I had forgotten the vast impression that silence and space makes on the mind. The objective of minimalism is to grant easier access to our soul. Elise: rid yourself of distractions and dependencies, such as mirrors, hairpieces, decorations, etc. The best way to glimpse yourself is to cut through the crap, strip off all the material junk.
Since all my stuff is already displaced, I have no excuse to waste this opportunity. I will revive my minimalist approach: no rugs, tapestries, fancifuls, general BS that smothers the floor, etc. The room should be a blank canvas so that my thoughts may dance in, surrounding me and guiding me as I pull them into the physical world (I refuse to use the word "realm").
Now that all the seriousness clogging my brain up has been pitched in your direction, I am in a gibberishly gleeful mood. I bid you farewell and may you take on my abysmal attitude with great courage and iron optimism.
Love Elise