Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The long-avoided panic attack about Quartz Mountain (I am feeling better now...):
June 10th, 2009
Someone:
I feel like a phony, like an artistic impostor. I am packing for Quartz Mountain, unwrapping all my new supplies, many of which I have not used in years or never at all. I can easily envision arriving to my first class, brand new, embarrassingly unused supplies in tote and surrounded by brilliantly creative people that have devoted every fibre of their being and every spare moment of their time to art and creative growth. The will be wielding gunked-up, much loved supplies that have been hardened by the sweat of their tireless devotion. I have only just realized, Someone, that I will be the amateur. It is obvious that I got in via fluke and now I have wasted a month of potential preparation time doing NOTHING to become a better artist.
A label myself an artist with my "studio" and closet and haircut, but has it ever occurred to you that I rarely produce? I spend my evenings before a television, a fucking TELEVISION! I am thus an impostor because I paint myself an artist then follow up with no art.
And if I am not an artist, then what am I? I have never considered myself anything else.
So my point is this, Someone:
If I do not get my petty little life together and begin doing art at all times, I will continue to be a fraud and become a hollow, useless person. My precious time to live will slide into a void, wasted with meandering bullshit because, when I am not creating or thinking about creating, I am wasting time.
"There's not one day that you are living that has been promised to you."
~Ben Harper
Now that I've vented I can seek eternal contentment again... wow
Elise (My brow is seriously furrowed)
June 10th, 2009
Someone:
I feel like a phony, like an artistic impostor. I am packing for Quartz Mountain, unwrapping all my new supplies, many of which I have not used in years or never at all. I can easily envision arriving to my first class, brand new, embarrassingly unused supplies in tote and surrounded by brilliantly creative people that have devoted every fibre of their being and every spare moment of their time to art and creative growth. The will be wielding gunked-up, much loved supplies that have been hardened by the sweat of their tireless devotion. I have only just realized, Someone, that I will be the amateur. It is obvious that I got in via fluke and now I have wasted a month of potential preparation time doing NOTHING to become a better artist.
A label myself an artist with my "studio" and closet and haircut, but has it ever occurred to you that I rarely produce? I spend my evenings before a television, a fucking TELEVISION! I am thus an impostor because I paint myself an artist then follow up with no art.
And if I am not an artist, then what am I? I have never considered myself anything else.
So my point is this, Someone:
If I do not get my petty little life together and begin doing art at all times, I will continue to be a fraud and become a hollow, useless person. My precious time to live will slide into a void, wasted with meandering bullshit because, when I am not creating or thinking about creating, I am wasting time.
"There's not one day that you are living that has been promised to you."
~Ben Harper
Now that I've vented I can seek eternal contentment again... wow
Elise (My brow is seriously furrowed)
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